i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
