dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Is it penis luge time yet?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
