You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
