Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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