She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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