if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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