I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
