Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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