Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
