spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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