I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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