just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
