Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
