All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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