i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
