I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
