I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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