kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He shit in the fireplace
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
