I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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