Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
