she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
