Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My dick has a subreddit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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