Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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