Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
