Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Be still, my beating vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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