he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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