My cat gives me a boner
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
