I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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