maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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