So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
