Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
