White coat. Heels.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
