I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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