Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
