Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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