I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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