Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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