I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
