I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
