So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
