I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
