the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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