You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
