the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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