Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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