so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
