i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
