just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
