theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
