I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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