I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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