I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
