i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
