everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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