Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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