YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
