The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
