Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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