Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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