I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
