Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize