jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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