So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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