Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
