I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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