omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
