At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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