this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
did i walk over a car last night?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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