I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
