I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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