Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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